


home.

by darkolai



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Nikolina - Freeform, One Shot Collection, Sleepy Cuddles, hufflepuff alina, ravenclaw nikolai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkolai/pseuds/darkolai
Summary: hogwarts!au when nikolai and alina (the ravenclaw and the hufflepuf perfects), are living at the same dorm.alina is madly in love with nikolai since the start of the year (but if you'd ask her she would never admit) and nikolai... nikolai is just being nikolai, funny clever witty and incredibly handsome.
Relationships: Genya Safin & Alina Starkov, Nikolai Lantsov/Alina Starkov, Zoya Nazyalensky & Alina Starkov, Zoya Nazyalensky/Genya Safin
Kudos: 12





	1. simple

**Author's Note:**

> hogwarts!au when nikolai and alina (the ravenclaw and the hufflepuf perfects), are living at the same dorm.
> 
> alina is madly in love with nikolai since the start of the year (but if you'd ask her she would never admit) and nikolai... nikolai is just being nikolai, funny clever witty and incredibly handsome.

someone was softly kissing her neck slowly sliding to her ear. he, and it was surely he, was playing with her. just teasing waiting for her to wake up. she knew who is he and she hated that all her fantasies about him. the worst part was that all her fantasies were about him. he was smart and annoying and she — she wasn’t scared to use the word — she hated him. because who he was, how loud and confident he felt. the way he was a leader and he knew it. 

(all this also extraordinary attracted alina and made her blush every time he talked with her but she preferred to deny it and to think it’s because frustration and anger.)

his kisses arrived to her cheek exactly as in her dreams. he bited and licked her ear over and over again. sometimes, she wondered if he’d do the same in real life or he’d want her to rule? alina closed her eyes trying to concentrate on the feeling his actions made her feel. she didn’t want to think about him but if she does.. why can’t she enjoy it? alina felt his smile when he moved from her ear to her mouth on a series of bites and licks and smiled when he kissed her. 

one (and the only) thing she wanted to know is how he kisses in real life. she betted she couldn’t imagine it good enough. it wasn’t like she didn’t have partners before, its just- nikolai- he, somehow, could make her feel… special? beautiful? clever? like she actually worths something? probably all these together. she believed — truly believed — that he just playing with her feelings. she couldn’t imagine that someone like nikolai — nikolai! — would fall for her. because she… she was regular too-fucking-boring especially for someone like nikolai. alina believed (with all her heart) that no one could ever love her. 

“i love you,” he groaned in the end. it was the first time he talked in her dreams, but she was too concentrated on him, on his face and arms and the sweat... and, after all, she wanted him to say it. alina answered, the same.

alina woke up and went to her classes, at herbology with slyhterin zoya caught her and they talked. not about nikolai no, alina hated her feelings. they talked about genya, about aleksander, about mal. she saw how bad zoya wants to talk about how’s to live in the perfect’s dorms and how sh’s dealing with lanstov. but alina still remembered his voice and the “i love you” she whispered back. and after herbology — the moment she was avoiding all the day, DADA with ravenclaw (and nikolai).

starkov took a deep breathe. she can do it. it’s a simple dream, so what? it’s just her usual dream. the fact that he talked didn’t change anything. just proved she’s in love with him. god, she thought i need to stop think about that.

“alina?” a familiar voice said. alina wanted to scream; not you, not now, but all she controlled herself and turned to nikolai. 

“yes?” her voice was colder then she’d expected but she didn’t care, they weren’t friends he can handle her tone, whatever it rough or soft.

(she hated how she was with him but she wanted to get over so badly- she wanted her dreams to stop, she wanted him to stop being this friendly and cute around her. she wanted to stop being such a bitch around him but her feelings for him… it was awful. she felt like no, she knew that if they’ll become close she’ll confess and he’ll break her heart, or worse; he will be disappointed in her.) 

“are you alright? the class starts in one minute and you didn’t entered, yet,” god, she loved his voice. it wasn’t too deep but it was beautiful. and charming. and his grin… 

“yeah er- i just, i just daydreamed,” she said stumbling. “it happens to me sometimes, you know.” nikolai softly chuckled and glanced at her playfully. 

“yeah, i know” something about how his voice became deeper and his eyes fixed on her, darker then before, made her think that he knows everything and just amusing with her. she — of corse — blushed. she hated to blush especially around him alina moved her shoulder walked into the class. she searched for someone — anyone — to sit with. she didn’t find, now all alina had is to pray that nikolai won’t sit with her. 

sometimes she had a feeling like he tried to spend time with her, more than he has. sometimes she liked to think he wants to spend time with her. but he never was extra around her, he treated her exactly as he treated the rest. she just was so tired of fighting her feelings and pushing nikolai away… she did want him to act like she’s special for him. she did want him to fall for her. she wanted him to tell her he loves her, not just in her dream. 

nikolai sided to the sit next to her and alina glanced at him, trying to remember every part of his face. trying to imagine how it’d be, to date him. she wondered if his hand would perfectly fit hers and how it’d hug her; from the back when she’ll be making breakfast in their (the perfects) dorm? will he kiss her forehead? will they have the long conversations about life she wanted to have with him? 

and at that very moment she knew, she doesn’t want to push nikolai away anymore. she wanted to let him get close. she wanted to let him break her heart if it the cost of their friendship. she wanted to stop being that cold and open to him. she wanted him to open to her. she wanted to listen to his voice reading her books. she wanted him to know he can count on her. she wanted nikolai to be hers.

“today,” professor kuya said, “we’re going to learn about the banshees. please open your books in page 214.” alina was surprised when nikolai opened his book but didn’t start to read but just comfortably leaned on his sit waiting to ana kuya to talk alina herself was waiting to start to write anything that will leave the professor’s mouth. she felt nikolai’s eyes on her wondering why would he stare? she turned to him.

“what?” a whisper. 

“nothing.” pause, “you’re beautiful. did you know it?” she blushes, the second time this… bastard makes her blush. she almost giggling.

beautiful. alina strakov fucking beautiful. was he laughing at her? alina wasn’t ugly, no but she clearly wasn’t beautiful. alina could give a list (that starts with nikolai), of people who really are beautiful and her name… wouldn’t be there. never. 

“you are kidding.” she said turning to ana kuya. she wanted to cry. or to scream. why was he that charming? she wanted to believe he was serious.

“what made you think that i’m joking?” he asked seriously. his eyes fixed on hers, trying to search the answer. she wondered if he can use acclumency without her realizing it, if so this is the end. 

“nothing just-“ she chuckled nervously, “i am not beautiful.” she cleared her throat. it felt awkward, to be nice to him, she was so used to push him away… she felt weird.

“why do you think so?” he whispered getting closer, his mouth almost touched her ear. 

she didn’t have answer for this. she just knew, she wasn’t beautiful. she never really considered why she thinks so. she didn’t want to. she wasn’t confident to even imagine she’s beautiful. she couldn’t imagine someone thinks she is.

“i-“ she started.

“you are beautiful, alina.” nikolai said. “your eyes, your hair, your skin… everything in you. but especially alina, your soul. i’m not kidding, i promise you, i really really think you’re beautiful,” he softly chuckled and touched her hair, “and i think you should believe me since i am very narcissistic and don’t tell these compliments to everyone.” 

she was speechless. and scared to ruin the magic of this moment. so she just nodded and tried to concentrate on the lesson but since lanstov was so close and she was so stunned by his words she couldn’t. she was so close to sobbing because of happiness. she knew that these words, whatever will happen next, will always have a special space in her heart. and she didn’t complain. she smiled to him and he smiled back. 

all this felt right. even if her cheeks were burning from his words. it felt like this — them sitting together and softly talking, smiling to each other — was right. it was her place and she knew she’d fight for it. she finally wanted to fight for it. she finally accepted her feelings. that was big step, especially for alina, especially after mal.

as soon as the lesson ended alina left the class. she was going to talk with genya. if someone knew how to deal with feelings it was genya. alina promised herself that right when she’ll be done talking with genya she will talk with zoya. after all zoya was her best friend.

she found genya (as she supposed) at the 8th storey. genya was standing there, as ethereal as always. her hair and clothes were messier then usual like she ran but alina didn’t pay attention to that she was exited. 

“genya!” she shouted. the girl winced and turned to alina. a smile appeared on her face. genya knew who alina wants to talk about. of course she knew, zoya and her have been asking themselves how long it’ll take to alina to accept her feelings… looks like zoya now owes her some money. however, genya was curious and.. well, a little bit gossip. she started to walk to alina.

“hello my darling,” they kissed each other’s cheek and alina looked like an exited puppy who’s not sure if he gets what he wants.

“genya…i-“ and suddenly, all alina’s words disappeared. she didn’t knew where to start or how. she felt genya’s eyes on her searching on her for a hint. all she could is to murmur “i think…” pause. alina took a deep breathe. “i think i’m in love with nikolai.” eyes closed, red and embarrassed alina half squaded half whispered.

no one but genya (or maybe zoya), could’ve understand what alina meant. but it was genya and she waited long months for that little confess. genya tried to look surprised, she really really did. it’s just- the way alina looked and how cute she was… genya giggled, once. twice. until she just started to laugh and shed some tears. alina looked at her shocked and (maybe) a bit offended . 

"oh, er- i'm sorry darling it's just-" genya took a deep breathe and finally stopped laughing, "i've been waiting for you to realize it for a long time..." she bit her lip.

"and.." alina softly (but a bit madly) asked, "for how long you've been waiting?" it wasn't like alina didn't know that genya and zoya suspect that she's i love with nikolai, or like she expected her best friends will be surprised but... laugh? from all the reactions laugh? did her love was so seemed? alina made herself calm. she didn't want to fight with genya, especially for this kind of things. 

"since the sixth year when you and nikolai had your first conversion of course!" genya and her pretty smile... sometimes alina truly hated how charming and beautiful genya could be. alina's jaw dropped. 

"but i was in love with mal then.... how did you?" alina threw up her hands. she... didn't expected that. at all.

"nikolai is so charming please alina," genya smirked, "any second girl is madly in love with him sence the first year." the red-head rolled her eyes. "but," safin paused searching for the right words, "i think you really know him, like no one else does," alina's eyes still looked at genya waiting for an explanation, "you two living together for five months that's insane! you do everything together and... probably having a lot of a good time i suppose?" genya finished with a joke.

"yeah..." for a moment it looked like their conversation ended because the girls stood there one in front of another shifting from foot to foot until alina once again talked; "anyway i came to ask if," she closed her eyes and sighed, "should i-" the blush on strakov's face was truly adorable "should i confess to him?"

genya didn’t have words. alina was so scared to confess after mal rejected her, because mal was a son of a bitch (in zoya and genya’s not-very-humble opinions) and humiliated her until she lost any confidence. from this day, in the fourth year, she never confessed. she and zoya had to rebuilt alina’s confidence (that wasn’t very high even before mal rejected her. genya softly smiled, if alina is ready to confess to nikolai (who was so clearly in love with her since forever), he is a very lucky guy. honestly genya didn’t see a reason why nikolai didn’t confess yet, she was sure he knew that alina is in love with him… everyone have their sicknesses after all, maybe she shouldn’t judge him.

“well,” genya said softly touching alina’s shoulders, “if you’re ready darling i am all in.” her voice was low and confident, “after all, i’m sure he’s in love with you since forever and i know what i’m talking about.” this made alina feel much better and even join genya and chuckle a bit.

“thanks, genie,” alina smiled, “i’ll try to confess tonight.”

“yeah sure ali, tell me how it goes now,” genya checked her watches “i have a date with my amazing beautiful girlfriend in five minutes so i really should run to the black lake or she’ll kill me… this is zoya after all, you know.” alina laughed and watched as genya was running — really running — to the black lake.

she spent the rest of the day in the library trying to distract herself from what she said to genya and what exactly she wanted to do this evening until…

“i heard you want to confess your feelings?” zoya’s voice said above her head and the girl sat in front of her. zoya was smirking — as all the slytherins always did — and learning alina’s face. she chuckled when alina blushed (for what time this one day? the twentieth?) and putted her hands on the table bowing to alina more.

“shush!” they sat relatively far away but alina didn’t trust the distance. she looked around checking if anyone was listening but all she saw just some first year ravenclaws (which reminded her about nikolai and what she — theoretically — supposed to do this evening), and a fifth year gryffindor boy who was writing an essay for poison class because he seemed incredibly disappointed in life. then she bowed to zoya as well. “yes?” it sounded more like a question, so she added quickly, “i think so? i mean… if it’ll be the right moment…” then she looked at zoya and she wanted to make her blush even a bit, the smallest bit because zoya — and genya (the two acted like it was a competition who will make alina blush more) — could’ve do it just with one i-know-what’s-in-you-head-ali glance or smirk. “and since when exactly you and genya talking about my love life in your dates?” she tried to sound — or to look — as confident and playful as zoya but she was embarrassed and the day has been so long and all her thoughts were about how she will confess to nikolai she failed.

“always has been,” zoya immediately answered. “no but, seriously, will you… i mean we all i remember what happened between you and mal,” skins closed her eyes, yes she remembered how mal reacted and it was still painful to think about that, she truly hated when someone wanted to talk about that. “and… i wanted to ask if you’re ready? i mean,” zoya touched her hands softly drawing lines, “genya and i are hundred percents sure he’s in love with you but- are you ready?” zoya’s voice was worried and caring. alina felt tears of happiness in her eyes when she looked at zoya. she was so thankful for her and genya… if they weren’t with her… her life would be way harder. 

“yes,” her voice was small but confident, she cleared her throat and looked in zoya’s eyes, “yes, yes i’m sure.”

“i love you,” zoya said while standing up to kiss her forehead, “you can do this baby, i promise.” then she blinked, “i bet tomorrow we’ll have you without voice.” alina’s jaw dropped (she wondered if zoya and genya really have a competition of making her blush because-) and she blushed while zoya walked out the library.  
alina walked to their dorm exactly at eight pm. her stomach was full of butterflies and nerves when she found that nikolai was sitting on the couch probably waiting for her — she assumed (or hoped). he was so beautiful with his blond hair and these long fingers and serious face and book in his hands and how the fire was lighting his golden skin and his (always!) messy uniform… merlin… she wanted to kiss him. alina sighed. and yes, he (finally) noticed her.

a smile appeared on his face when he turned his head to her. she liked his smile much more then his serious face… she wanted to kiss him and him to smile to this kiss while kissing her back-

“hey,” he softly sad, somehow he managed to look so warm and comforting and so hot at the same time she- and his voice…merlin’s panties his voice she would talk to him for hours just to listen to his voice, he was deep and beautiful and comforting and she asked herself did he ever considered to be a singer. “how was your day?” 

these conversations… they weren’t something new, not at all. since the first day here they wanted to… be at least pals? just to not fight over everything. they had their rules like 'no friends while the other is here’ or who takes the shower in the morning but… they could talk about that and the rules were very flexible. but now when she finally accepted her feelings and that this feeling is her stomach around him is butterflies is felt another. she wanted to confess.

“nikolai,” she started moving closer to him, “i need to tell you something it’s… very intimate for me and er- i’d appreciate if you’ll close you eyes.” she was exactly in front him when she finished he looked up to her and she blushed.

“yes, of course,” he closed his eyes. after a moment of silence he opened one eye and said “just don’t curse me witch,” he tried to joke, he was a bit nervous after all… who knows what’s on alina’s mind. he heard her giggling and opened both his eyes to admire her laugh fully. her eyes was fixed on him and his oh hers and for a moment… for a little euphoric moment he thought she’ll kiss him. he wanted her to kiss him he wanted to finally know is her skin soft as it looks and what’s the taste of her lips. he realized he stared at her when she cleared her throat. 

“close your eyes,” a whisper, it made him realize how close she stood to him and that he could grab her to sit on his laps any moment. he obeyed and leaned back to his sit waiting for her actions. he heard how she slowly breathed before mumbling “this is going to be long…” he chuckled.

“i don’t mind hearing your voice for long,” he teased, when she stayed quite he fought with the impulse to open his eyes. he supposed she’s blushing. he liked, when she blushed, her usually pal skin was coloring with light pink and the look in her eyes… merlin he was so in love with her. “alina?"

his voice returned her from staring and admiring his beauty wondering what he thinks about. she wanted to slap herself and yell “talk or do something! he will open his eyes and then what you’ll do?” and yet, he didn’t open them. it made her think that he trusted her enough. before confessing or doing anything she wanted to ask him that. for her, (especially in romantic relationship) trust was the most important thing she used to say to genya and zoya, ‘if we don’t have trust, we have nothing.’ and she stood by that. it was the only thing she could fight about for hours.

“do you trust me?” she asked. she really wanted the answer to be yes. she promised to herself that if he’ll say yes she’ll kiss him. they were patrolling the hallways at night and lived at the same dorm, he used to make her tea in sunday morning (if he woke up before her of course which happened rarely so mostly she did tea to him), they talked every day and she believed that they really did talk about anything. she did not just wanted the answer to be yes, she needed it to be yes. even if just as friends yes. it’s still a yes. he was quite for a while and it made her nervous. and when she opened her mouth to say soemthing nikolai opened his eyes and looked at her.

“alina, of course i do. is that even a question?” bitter grin appeared on his face and he started to say but all alina heard was ‘of course i do’ it was beating in her ears with her heartbeat. yes. he said yes. she suddenly shined. “alina?” he asked.

“i’m sorry just, trust,” she took a deep breathe trying to explain, “trust is very… important to me you know?” she was trifling the side of her cardigan trying not to look at him, embarrassed. blushing. “and… i just wanted to make sure that we have trust,” she stopped and looked at hiss eyes “that our friendship,” it was painful to say that word “is not meaningless to you.” she glanced at the floor searching for something suddenly feeling her eyes watering. he stood up closely that she felt his breathe on her hair and his fingers softly touched hard face making her look at him. 

“oh alina,” he took her head in his hands making her look at him, “merlin alina i’m in love with you since the fifth year can’t you see?” she was speechless. she never thought he’d love her back. but he did. and he just confessed to her his feelings and since alina has always been better with doing things then talking about them she did what she was better it; she kissed nikolai lanstov. and he kissed her back.

first, it was a soft kiss, like a butterfly, just mouths touching each other for some seconds. then they looked at each other dizzy and stunned. he smiled to her and softly stroked his face while she was putting her hands on his shoulders (their height difference let to know about itself but it just made them giggle) feeling as happy as she ever could be.

then nikolai kissed her again. this kiss was different. yes, it was soft as the first but he started to use his teeth and tongue. first he simply licked her lips. the he started to suck her underlip. she answered with the same pulling him closer making him bow down more and standing on her tiptoes. they ended the kiss breathless and just looked at each other. alina learned his face for some longs moments he did the same, remembering every line and how do her eyes shine.

“so you like me back i suppose,” nikolai said and alina didn’t know if she imagined the surprised tone.

“yes,” she simply said, and when she still saw some insecurity in his eyes she added, “yes, yes nikolai, i very much like you back.”


	2. freckles

Alina watched him sleeping. His chest was slowly raising and fell, it was so peaceful. She liked that. She liked the feeling Nikolai gave her; warm, not like The Darkling who always was like a riddle she had to try to unravel. Or like Mal who made her feel insecure and... unworthy. No. Nikolai was the complete opposite, he had let her feel like she is the whole world.

Alina didn't love Nikolai. She loved feeling worthy and loved and warm and- she needed someone who'd take her chilled and freezing heart (after what Mal did, after what The Darkling did. After everything that had've happened to her), and would warm it again. Someone who would make her feel like the little girl Alina she wanted to be.

She loved to watch him sleeping, she loved to watch him, to study his face, to look, to learn new things from him. (Nikolai was everything she wanted the love of her life be and yet... he wasn't. She couldn't make herself actually l-o-v-e him.) Especially Alina liked hiss freckles and not only because "I hate them, Alina, I should be aristocratic and not having these,-" somehow he managed to blush (a little bit), every time she drew stars and flowers between them, and she found that adorable, "freckles." He had always grumbled but Alina knew that he liked that. 

And now, again, Nikolai was sleeping and she couldn't stop her hand from slipping to his shoulder with a million, -- once, she tried to count them and failed on hundred (only on his right shoulder!), so she have decided that he has (as minimum) a million, -- and started to draw. She thought, that maybe, if they'd meet in a different conditions. Maybe if Nikolai would meet her earlier, in the Little Palace, or even earlier, when she was just a girl and not The Sun Summoner of Ravka... maybe then, she could've love him.

Nikolai opened his eyes, and his hand touched her cheek, softly, as only he did (at these moments hated herself especially hard, at these moments he'd shown he how much he admired her, how much he -- indeed -- loved her,). "You can't sleep again, beautiful?" She hated, (and incredibly loved) when he called her like that. She just nodded, she couldn't speak. "What happened?" She looked at him.

"Nothing, just... thinking," she wanted to tell him she doesn't love him, it was so unfair of her. She hated how she used him. He grinned hugging her tighter. "I like your freckles."

"Sure you do," Nikolai softly chuckled and- yes, blushed a bit, she felt so much better when she made him blush, she didn't know why, "now tell me what happened." His tone had changed from playful to serious and worried so fast that Alina blinked, she hoped she would make him forget BUT; it was Nikolai, he never missed a thing. Never. She wanted to shout "I don't love you" but she didn't want to ruin what she had. It was selfish. Selfish and stupid and disgusting and- but Alina couldn't just let him go, not yet. Not when his warm body is so close to hers and his eyes so genially searching for the reason she's upset, not when his wounds are finally better because of him. Not when she finally feels like a human again.

"Nothing, really," she smiled, nervously. 

Nikolai let her go this time. She wasn't sure it'll happen again, after all, it wasn't the first time she made him wake up because she's been studying his freckles and wondering. "Alright," he sighed; kissed her forehead.

They lied still. Alina felt how Nikolai was falling asleep again. She was drawing on his chest some patterns -- at first sight. The truth was, Alina was a coward but she wanted to tell him the truth. 

Alina wrote "I do not love you"

Alina wrote "I'm sorry"

Alina wrote "you deserve better"

Nikolai was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He cleared his throat. "I know, Alina, it's fine, I mean -- that you don't love me," he sighed. "You always, or almost wonder, what would've happen if we'd meet in another time what if... and, believe me, it doesn't matter. I love you, you like me, we're fine, that's enough, I promise." He caught her hand. 

"B-b-but," Alina was sobbing, so openly, so wildly, for first time since she was 10. "It is wrong, Nikolai, you deserve someone better and-"

"No." he cut her roughly but then, "Alina, I love spending time with you, when time comes and you'll leave me, I will be okay. I don't mind you breaking my heart," he said softly.

Alina was crying and he was comforting her and everything was so wrong. So so wrong. Because she was the one who broke his heart, she was the one who used him.

"And, " Nikolai added with low voice, "I'll always have my freckles to remind me of you Alina."


End file.
